The first date over 60

He asks if you would like to meet. You say yes, and then you spend two days deciding where to go, what to wear, and whether the whole idea is a mistake.

Most of that is noise. A first meeting over sixty has one job: to find out whether you enjoy talking to this person. Everything else can wait until later.

Pick somewhere you already know

Choose a cafe or a garden you have been to before, in the daytime, with a table you like. Knowing the room takes one thing off your mind and puts you on home ground.

Somewhere public and easy to leave matters far more than somewhere impressive. Save the nice restaurant for a second meeting, when you know you want to sit through two courses.

Forty-five minutes is a full date

Say at the start that you have something on afterwards. You do not need to invent anything dramatic. A class, a grandchild, a friend calling. Now you have an exit that does not insult him, and a reason to work out quickly whether you are enjoying yourself.

If it is going well, you can both say so and meet again. If it is not, you finish your coffee, thank him, and go. Ending early is allowed.

What to talk about when you run out

Ask about the thing you noticed in his profile rather than the weather. When that runs down, use the questions you would ask any new person. What he does with his week, where he grew up, whether he has family nearby.

Avoid the interview. If you find yourself working through a list, say something about yourself instead and let him pick it up. Divorce, money and health will come up eventually. The first meeting is not the place to settle them.

Two things worth saying out loud

If you are not interested, you do not owe him an explanation. "It has been lovely to meet you, and I do not think we are a match" is a complete sentence, and it is kinder than going quiet afterwards.

If you are interested, say so before you leave. Men over sixty miss hints at about the rate they always did.

Paying, and the awkward minute

Let him pay if he reaches for it, and offer once. If you would rather split it, say so as you sit down so that it is not a scene at the end. Nobody your age has anything to prove over a cup of coffee.

Getting home

Drive yourself, or arrange your own way home, and do not accept a lift from somebody you have just met. Tell a friend where you are going and when you expect to be back. If you feel uneasy at any point, you can leave. You have not signed anything.

One more habit worth keeping. Stay on the site's messaging until you have met in person once. Phone numbers and addresses can wait, and a man who pushes for them before the first coffee is telling you something.

Afterwards

Whatever happens, note down one thing you noticed about yourself. You were wittier than you expected, or you talked too much about your son, or you found that you liked being asked questions. That note is what makes the second meeting easier than the first.